Aftermath
by 123me
Summary: A series of missing moments from the aftermath of the season 6 finale. Finale spoilers if you haven't seen it.
1. Chapter 1

**These are just a few scenes that my friend and I would like to have seen in the finale but didn't. I wasn't going to post them as separate chapters, but it's 3am, I started this at a weird time and should really sleep instead of write all of the others. They're not really going to be in any particular order and they probably won't be long, they don't continue from each other, consider them oneshots.**

**I'm not sure I like it, but the idea has been bugging me for ages so I figured I'd give it a shot.**

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**1.**

Meredith sat by Derek's bedside, watching as he slept. He'd been moved to Seattle Presbyterian soon after he'd been deemed stable enough. He'd talked for a while, but she knew he had to sleep. He'd been shot. He needed his rest.

She looked up from his face as she noticed movement at the door, smiling softly at Cristina as she slowly walked into the room.

"Alex was shot." The statement was simple, as if it was something that would be said every day, but they both knew the enormity of what it meant.

"Is he okay?"

"He should be." Cristina glanced over at Derek. "Is HE okay?"

"He was talking for a while." The response was soft. "I told him to get some rest."

"People have been talking." Cristina hesitated. "They're saying Charles Percy's dead." Meredith stayed silent. "They don't know how many people were shot."

"How's Owen?"

Cristina glanced back out the door. "He's good. You did good." She paused again. "He didn't shoot the kids. Callie said he was there, but he left."

"He was up on paeds?" Meredith was suddenly alert. "Um, Lexie, Lexie was on paeds. She's okay?"

"Meredith." Cristina turned around, surveying the busy scene outside the room. "Callie, um, they asked her who was in the floor. Lexie, she wasn't there, Mere."

Meredith shot up, turning her attention completely away from Derek for the first time since her friend has entered the room. "Where is she?"

"I don't know." Cristina admitted. "There's a lot of people that they haven't been able to ID yet, we're doing what we can but, it's a big hospital."

Meredith quickly walked to the door, making one request of her friend. "Stay with him."

"Meredith..."

"I need to know she's okay." Meredith was insistent. "I've been a sucky sister to her, and now she might be dead and, I just need to know." She paused. "Just, stay with him. If he asks for me, page me, and, and remember what I said. No one tells him."

She left the room, heading into the chaos and straight over to the nearest of the uniformed police.

"Lexie Grey." She interrupted a conversation. "I need to know where she is. I just... I need to."

She tried to wait patiently as the officer checked the list in her hand, but found herself shifting from foot to foot.

"She's not on here." The reply was short and matter of fact, like it was all in a days work. It took Meredith a few seconds to realise that, for this woman, that's pretty much what it was. "There's still a few unidentified bodies but..."

"What is that?"

"Confirmed death's and casualties, there's no Lexie Grey on either of them."

"Alexandra." Meredith exclaimed. "It could be under Alexandra."

"No Alexandra's either." The officer paused. "Quite a few people are giving statements downstairs, maybe she's there?"

Meredith headed towards the stairs without thanking the woman. She now understood what it was like for the relatives of her patients. This wasn't a job. This was her family. Her husband, her sister, her friends.

She ran down the stairs, roughly pushing open the doors, seeing a scene just as chaotic as the one she had seen upstairs. She looked around the room at the sea of unfamiliar faces, the uniformed officers, the coloured scrubs of the staff from both hospitals. She could only assume the police were getting statements here because all of the hospital staff had congregated here, waiting for news.

"Grey." She looked up at the voice, watching as Avery approached her. "How is he?"

"He's going to be okay." She answered, still glancing around the room. "I need to find Lexie."

"She's with Karev. Other end of the floor."

"With Alex?" Meredith asked. "She's with Alex? Alex got shot. She got shot?"

"She's sitting with him." He elaborated, suddenly wishing he had explained better, sooner.

Meredith brushed past him, heading across the floor without answering, frowning when her sister finally came into sight. She approached cautiously, slowly pulling the younger woman away from the bed.

"You're okay."

She watched as the soft whispered words caused her sister to break down in tears, and she realised how wrong she was.


	2. Chapter 2

**I didn't say in the last chapter, this will include events in the months between the finale and the première as well, not just the day of the shooting, and I've changed my mind, there will be some kind of order to it. They're still oneshots, but they'll be in chronological order.**

**WARNING: Some spoilers for the finale deleted scenes in this.**

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Callie fell onto the bench as she hung up the phone. Her father kept calling her, and she couldn't blame him. It would have been all over the news. He was worried. If she didn't answer he'd probably end up flying out.

He'd just begged her to go home, back to where she grew up, just so he'd know she was safe.

She sighed as she felt someone sit down beside her and looked up, giving Arizona a weak smile.

"Ruby's doing great."

She listened to the update she was being given for the girl they had been forced to operate on in a patient room while she was awake. The child she'd had to sing to in order to stop her fighting against them as they tried to save her life. She'd never forget the fear on that girls face when she realised what was happening.

Everyone was saying it was over now, as if the words would comfort them, but they all knew the reality: It was only just beginning.

People were dead. Reed, Charles, nurses that they'd been working with for years, security guards, people that went to work that morning expecting to be returning home. Mark had told her about Lexie having a breakdown in the ambulance, about Teddy having no choice but to make her leave. There were critical victims who may still die.

It was the beginning. The long uphill road to recovery had started.

"It doesn't seem real." It was the first thing she had said since her girlfriend had sat beside her. "Things like this, they don't happen in hospitals. Hospitals are safe."

Arizona didn't answer. What could she say? She could agree, but that wouldn't change the fact that it did happen. She could ignore it and change the subject, but that wouldn't help.

She dropped her head onto Callie's shoulder. "I know." She paused. "I'm used to looking on the bright side, but, I can't see one, and when I try to see it as the thing that brought us back together, I just feel even worse because people lost their lives today, and our relationship is not more important than that."

They were interrupted by the sound of a ringing phone.

Callie automatically brought it to her ear, failing to check who was calling.

"Dad, I'm fin..." She cut off, feeling Arizona lift her head as she did. "Addison?"

"No one's answering their phones." She listened as the redhead gave her some panicked rant. "It's all over the news and then they say that the situation is under control but no one answers their phones. Are they okay?"

"Addie." Callie sighed, leaning her head back on the wall in exhaustion. "Things are just crazy right now. I, I didn't think to call anyone."

"I know." Addison confirmed. " I couldn't just not call you though, they said people are dead and I need to know Callie. I'm not there, that doesn't stop me caring. I need to know that they're okay."

"Um." Callie hesitated. "Marks fine, so's Bailey, um, and Meredith."

"And?"

"I haven't seen everyone." Callie tried. "I just don't know."

"Callie, what about Derek?"

"He, um." She hesitated. "I don't even know if it's true."

"Callie!"

"There's a rumour." She paused again, wondering how she should break this news. "That he got shot and Yang had to fly solo in the OR to save him."

"Oh God."

They both fell silent.

Arizona reached out a hand and gently took the phone, putting it to her own ear.

"Chief Shepherd's okay. He got shot, but he's okay for now." She glanced over to see the questions in Callie's eyes. "I checked with Yang before I came out."

"Amelia." The voice on the line sounded a little further away. "He's okay. He got shot but they say he should be fine."

"He got shot!" The voice was in the background. " He can't get shot. Our dad got shot. He can't." A pause. "Have they told mom?" The voice trailed off but came back stronger than ever. "I can't believe he got himself shot. He is such an ass!"

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**I'm going to admit right here and now that I don't watch Private Practice. I used to, but somewhere along the line I just stopped and never caught up, so all I know of Amelia is from "Superfreak."**


	3. Chapter 3

**Whoa, lots of alerts. Didn't expect that for something that I'm writing solely for my sanity.**

**This is the longest one so far, it's probably also my favourite so far.**

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Mark didn't know what to do. Derek had been shot, he knew that, but he had his wife with him, he didn't need crowding, and when he had last seen Lexie she had been sitting by the bedside of the man she loved, the man that, as twisted as it seemed to be, he wished he was at that moment just for the fact that she loved him.

Bailey had taken off somewhere as soon as she could. Callie was with Arizona. He'd seen Cristina milling around trying to help ID the injured. Everyone seemed to be doing something. Everyone except for him.

Then he saw him, bumbling around the room in his usual fashion, panic and fear both written on his features as he glanced worriedly from side to side.

Mark approached, placing a hand on the man's shoulder to gain his attention. "Thatcher."

The man turned, making him drop his hand to his side and took him in before pointedly looking behind him. "Where are they?" He was panicking. "I went to the hospital, your hospital, and they told me everyone had been sent here. Where are they?"

"Thatcher, you have to calm down." He almost scoffed. How could he tell someone to calm down in a situation like this. How could he tell someone to calm down when he wasn't calm himself?

"Where are they?" Thatcher was glancing in all directions, trying to look everywhere at once, stumbling occasionally as he moved, although it was clear that he was far from drunk. "My girls, Dr. Sloane. Where are my girls?"

"Mark." He insisted. "Call me Mark."

He gestured and began to walk across the floor, hearing Thatcher moving behind him.

He stopped dead when Alex's bed came into view. She was there when he had last seen her. Now, she was gone.

"Where are they?"

"She was right here." He stated, staring at the empty spot where Lexie should have been. He thought fast, take Thatcher to Meredith, then find Lexie. His heart was telling him to look for Lexie first, but he knew he wouldn't get far with Thatcher trailing him. "This way."

He headed back across the floor and headed for the stairs, having already memorised the location of Derek's private room.

"Where are they?" Thatcher questioned again. "Did something happen to them? They can't die before me, they're just kids."

Mark didn't point out that Meredith and Lexie were far from kids.

"Molly." Thatcher continued speaking. "She keeps calling and asking me and I can't tell her that they're dead, okay. I can't tell her that her sisters are dead. I can't tell myself that."

Mark stopped on the steps and turned around. "Thatcher." He stated. "I promise you, they are not dead. They're okay."

"You've seen them?"

"Yes."

"Both of them?"

"Yes." He kept his irritation under control. "Meredith, she's up here, come on."

He prayed to himself that Meredith was still with Derek.

He pushed open the door onto the floor slowly, sighing slightly when he realised this floor wasn't as chaotic as it had been when he was last up here. It looked like all of the hospital staff worried about Derek had been sent downstairs.

He guided Thatcher across the hall and around a corner, coming to a stop outside Derek's room. He knocked gently before opening the door, stepping in quickly to allow the worried man access.

He sighed in relief at the sight. Derek was awake, Meredith sitting by the bed in the uncomfortable chair provided by the hospital. Squeezed into the chair next to her, was her younger sister, clearly being comforted by her older sibling, whose arms were wrapped around her shoulders.

They both looked up only when the door opened.

Thatcher all but dove forward after taking in the scene, barely giving his daughters time to stand up before he wrapped them both in his arms.

Mark watched. Surprised by the responses. Lexie almost automatically burrowed into her father's shoulder, despite the problems of the past few months. Meredith, although not as reciprocal as her sister, didn't reject the embrace like he would have expected. Things, he realised, had changed. Life was too short.

Thatcher placed soft kisses on both of their crowns as any comforting parent would. Their silence speaking more than anything.

"Dad." Lexie's voice was so small it was almost inaudible. "I'm sorry." She gulped, making it clear she was trying to hold back tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Lexie." It was Meredith that responded long before their father got a chance. "This was not your fault." She pulled out of her father's arms and turned to her husband, who had been groggily watching the scene from where he was laying. "Tell her, Derek."

"It wasn't your fault." Mark smiled at the groggy voice of his friend as he obeyed his wife's wishes.

"See." Meredith spoke as if Derek saying it made it unquestionable fact. "You were just doing your job. You couldn't have known."

"I killed his wife." Lexie tried.

"She was dead anyway." Meredith almost scolded. "You will not blame yourself for this."

"He killed all those people."

"Exactly." Lexie looked over at Mark when he spoke, as if she was first noticing he was there. "HE killed all those people. Not you. You didn't kill anyone. You're not him."

He smiled slightly as his words silenced her and she returned to hiding in her father's shoulder. The older man just as unwilling to let go as she was.

"Thanks." Meredith slowly walked over. "She listens to you."

"When did she come up here?" He questioned, curious as to why Lexie had left Alex, whom she'd been so desperate to be with.

"She was crying." Meredith's frown seemed etched permanently on her face. "I don't think she realised I'd taken her anywhere until we were here. I just, I just needed to be able to see her, and she didn't struggle, so I brought her up here, so I can watch them both, because I need to, watch them both, I mean."

He noticed that she kept glancing between her husband and her sister.

"I have to be the strong one now." she murmured. "They need me to be the strong one."

He nodded silently, not agreeing with her, but not having the energy to argue.

He glanced up at the ringing of a phone.

"That shouldn't be on in here." he stated, as if it was the most irrelevant thing in the world right now.

"It's Molly." Thatcher responded, showing no sign of going to answer the object in his hand.

"You want me to talk to her?" Mark offered, deciding it was best for him to leave the room. This was a family moment, it should just be the four of them.

Thatcher nodded, handing the phone out to him. "It'll be in missed calls."

Mark nodded, taking the phone before slowly leaving the room, only just catching Meredith voluntarily returning to her fathers arms.

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	4. Chapter 4

**The last one was the longest one so far, this is the shortest one so far.**

**I go back to college on Monday, so I may not be updating so much.**

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Cristina walked straight through the door into Meredith's house, pushing it closed behind her, careful to make sure it didn't make a sound when it shut.

Not much had changed in two days. Only a small number of those that had been shot had been released from Seattle Presbyterian. Their own hospital was still a crime scene.

Callie and Arizona had made a point of hanging around the apartment. They'd heard what had happened to her in the OR and had become reluctant to leave her alone. She could tell they were expecting her to break down.

"MEREDITH!" She called, heading straight for the kitchen, rolling her eyes when she found it empty. She turned around, walking back out, noticing Lexie sitting in the living room, something she hadn't spotted when she had come in. The younger woman was staring at the blank television screen, not even acknowledging that Cristina was there.

"Cristina." Meredith put on a forced smile, but her friend didn't miss the worried glance the woman shot towards her sister.

"How long has she been here?"

Meredith pulled Cristina back into the kitchen, only speaking when she was sure her sister couldn't hear them. "I managed to drag her out of the hospital this morning. She hasn't slept or ate or anything."

"How's Alex?" Cristina changed the subject. "You checked when you were there earlier?"

"He's doing good." Meredith confirmed. "Giving the doctors hell trying to tell them they're doing their jobs wrong."

"Izzie called."

Meredith's eyes widened as soon as the words were out. "Izzie called?" She watched as Cristina nodded. "Izzie called you?" Another nod. "What did she want?"

"Heard about it on the news like everyone else." Cristina elaborated. "Wanted to know what was going on." She paused. "I didn't tell her. I told her I'd get you to call her. Not in the mood for telling her her husband got shot."

Meredith didn't correct her. "What did you tell her?"

"Not exactly much to tell." Cristina pointed out. "We're just the people that were there, not as if we're going to be told anything." She sighed. "I need to get back to work."

"I have to tell her Alex was shot?" Meredith ignored the last question and asked for confirmation. "I haven't spoken to her since she left. Why do I have to tell her?"

"Because I don't want to." Cristina responded simply.

Meredith leaned on the counter, shaking her head slightly. "You could have told her while you were talking to her earlier."

"It wasn't a long conversation." Cristina excused. "She talked, I said a word every now and again. She shut up, I told her you'd call her and talk later. I hung up."

"Should we really tell her?" Meredith questioned. "I mean, would Alex want us to tell her? They're not together any more."

"Does Alex need the stress of more Izzie drama?"

"Good point." Meredith answered. "I'll call her and tell her about Reed and Charles, and about Alex, then convince her that she doesn't have to come here."

"Oh." Cristina put in. "Tell her that April's annoying."

"Cristina!" Meredith scolded slightly. "The hospital that quite a few of her friends work at is now a crime scene, people are dead and she doesn't know what's happening. I don't think she'd care about how annoying April is." She paused. "And April is not annoying." She shook her head again at the look that Cristina gave her. "Okay, maybe she's a little annoying, but that's not important right now. We need to welcome April."

"Welcome April." Cristina stated. "Got it. When you planning on calling Izzie?"

"When I get back from the hospital." Meredith responded. "I told Derek I'd go back to see him later." She glanced at the time. "Actually, I should probably go." She turned back to her friend. "Can you stay with Lexie until I get back?"

"You want me to babysit your sister?" Cristina asked. "Your adult sister?"

"Yes." Meredith confirmed. "I don't think she's doing so well."

"Crazy gunman killing people in hospital, Mere." Cristina reminded her. "None of us are doing so well."

"Please don't talk like that in front of Lexie."

Meredith didn't wait for a response, heading straight out of the kitchen and in turn, the front door after waving goodbye to her sister, whom didn't respond to her.

Cristina slowly walked towards the living room and sat down next to Lexie.

"Sooo." She dragged out. "How are things?"

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	5. Chapter 5

**This stemmed from the whole idea of Meredith being the caretaker.**

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Meredith wiped her eyes again. Something she'd been doing all night. It didn't make sense, she didn't cry, but at the same time it made perfect sense. Her baby was gone. The baby she'd only just realised she wanted. Her husband had nearly died. Her sister was a wreck and her best friend seemed to be treating the whole thing as some kind of joke.

She knew the joking was some kind of coping mechanism for her friend, but that didn't mean it didn't irritate her. Usually they were so in tune with each other, but not with this.

She let out another sob, trying to keep her sound to a minimum. She was fine when she was around people. It wasn't until she was alone that she became overwhelmed, that the horror of what had happened truly hit her.

She wiped her eyes again, turning over in the bed. She was home. Derek insisted that she sleep in their bed even if he couldn't. Like always, he wanted her to be comfortable. She didn't tell him that it wasn't comfortable without him.

She sat up as she heard a creaking outside the door. Derek and Alex were both still in hospital. Cristina had gone home, there was only one person it could be.

She listened as the footsteps passed her room, heard them descend the stairs.

It wasn't until she heard the front door open that she pulled herself out of bed, stepping into her slippers and followed, only pausing to pull on her coat and grab her keys.

She stepped outside, frowning at the sight of her sister standing stationary at the end of the driveway, staring out onto the street.

She stepped forward, making her way towards her.

"Lexie." She sighed, placing a hand on her sister's shoulder. "Come back inside."

She wrapped an arm around her when she didn't respond, forcibly turning her around. "Come on."

She led her back inside, unsure as to whether or not her sister knew she was even walking. She seemed so oblivious to everything. So out of it.

She didn't take her back to the attic, back to her own bed. She didn't even know why she was staying up there when Izzie's room was empty, but she hadn't moved, and Meredith hadn't questioned it.

She settled her sister in her own bed, sitting next to her as she began to stroke her hair. Mark had said something about her liking that.

"Lexie." She stated calmly. "You need to sleep."

"I can't."

They were the first words she'd heard her sister utter since she'd taken her from the hospital.

"Yes you can." Meredith encouraged. "Just close your eyes, try for me."

"I see him." Lexie admitted. "When I close my eyes I see him pointing that gun at me. I see Alex dying. I see Mark pushing me to the floor. I see that nurse. I can't."

"Lexie?" Meredith frowned. "You saw him?"

"I should be dead right now."

"No."

"He wanted to shoot me." Lexie spoke as if she was talking to no one. "He stood there, pointing that gun at me, telling me he was going to kill me. Then they shot him instead."

Meredith lay down, tucking her sister under her chin. She'd come closer to losing her than she'd thought.

"That's good." Meredith decided. "That they shot him before he could shoot you."

"Cristina told me what you did, when she was here earlier."

Meredith felt herself tense as she heard the words, unsure as to whether she was relieved that her sister was acknowledging her, or annoyed at what her friend had revealed.

"You told him to shoot you."

Meredith almost sighed in relief. The last thing she wanted was her clearly traumatised sister worrying about the miscarriage.

"You told him to shoot you because I'm your sister and Derek is your husband, and Dr. Webber is like your dad."

Meredith stayed silent, sensing that her sister wasn't done.

"That was really stupid."

"Did Cristina tell you anything else?" She had to ask.

"No." Lexie paused. "She didn't think I was listening."

"You need to sleep." Meredith repeated the instruction again, closing her own eyes. "You'll feel better when you wake up."

She relaxed when she felt the nod that her sister responded with, but stayed awake until she was almost certain the younger woman was asleep.

She wasn't awake to see the eyes snap open, to see the look on her sister's face as she once again began to stare, her memory, that had once been called a super power, had become a curse.

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	6. Chapter 6

**If anyone has anything they'd like me to include, just say. I'm thinking of more as I write but if there is something you feel should be included, feel free to mention it.**

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Derek lay back in the bed, watching as Meredith moved around the room, placing flowers that had already been put into vases around different places.

"Who's with Lexie?" He was trying to distract her using what she'd been telling him about what was going on outside the walls of the hospital.

"Callie." Meredith answered, not looking over to him. "Arizona sent her round with some food and she wanted to see if she could get through to her. We figured she might stand more of a chance if I wasn't there."

"You think she knows about the babysitting schedule?"

"She's not being babysat." Meredith defended. "I just don't think she should be alone right now. She's getting better but she's not ready to be alone."

"It's nice." He smiled, almost chuckling at the look of confusion she gave him. "You being a sister. It's nice."

"She doesn't have anyone else." Meredith tried.

"Mark told me Thatcher wanted to take her home with him." Derek admitted, smiling. "He also said you put up a hell of a fight to keep her with you."

"Did Mark tell you he also wanted me to go and stay with him?"

His grin grew, he knew that he couldn't yet laugh without being in pain. "He's just worried."

"I know." Meredith sighed. "But she's better off with me. I'm just more likely to be awake when she wanders off in the night, and it's her home now."

He nodded, patting the bed beside him, watching as she sat. "She'll be okay."

"I know. I just..."

"Derek Shepherd, what are you trying to do to me?"

They both turned to the door. Meredith smiling before turning back to Derek, seeing the look of slight panic on his face.

"Mom." He greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"Visiting my only son." Carolyn responded. "Why did I have to find out from your sister that you were shot?"

"Mom, I'm fine." He tried. "Meredith and the staff here have been taking great care of me, and from what I hear, Cristina Yang was amazing, I was unconscious at the time though, so I can't really comment on that."

"She was, she was amazing."

"I wasn't called, Derek." Carolyn scolded. "I should have been called."

"Mom, I'm fine." He insisted. "I didn't need you to be called."

She turned to Meredith. "Did he tell you not to call? He's a man, you don't listen to them."

"Mom!" Derek exclaimed. "I got shot and her sister may be having some kind of breakdown. Neither of us thought of calling you."

"The doctors here then." She continued, glancing to the door. "Why didn't they call me?" She turned back to him. "I don't expect to hear from your sister that you were shot. I don't expect your sister to find out from your ex wife. I don't even know who told her, will it really do me any good to know how long this chain of people that knew before me is."

"Mrs. Shepherd." Meredith put in. "I'm sorry, I should have called."

"Thank you, Meredith." Carolyn answered. "It's unnecessary because really it shouldn't have been you, it should have been the staff here on his order, but thank you anyway."

"You giving him a hard time, mom?"

Meredith looked up, almost gulping when she saw who was standing in the doorway.

"Nancy." Derek stated, clearly unamused. "Great. Did you bring the others? We could have a proper reunion." He paused. "Maybe I should page Mark and get him here too."

Meredith stood up. "I should probably go. I have to go and check on Lexie anyway. I'll um... come back later." She turned to Carolyn. "Will you be staying here long?"

"Until he's out of hospital at least." Carolyn smiled. "Wouldn't really be fair to make you deal with all his complaining alone now, would it."

Meredith turned to Derek and smirked, seeing the look he was giving her, pleading with her to stay.

"I have to go." She insisted. "For Lexie, remember, you like Lexie."

She rushed out of the room before he responded.

"Who's Lexie?"

Derek looked over to his sister, shaking his head. "You really know nothing about my life."

"Stop it." Carolyn ordered, turning to her daughter. "Lexie is Meredith's sister. I met her when I was here last. I'm sure your brother will be more than happy to tell you all about her."

"Meredith has a sister?"

"She has two sisters." Derek stated. "Lexie is the one that's here. Molly, the other one, doesn't live close."

"You never mentioned them."

"When would I have mentioned them, Nancy?" Derek asked. "It's not as if we talk that much any more."

"You could call."

"So could you."

Carolyn interrupted again. "Children!" she paused. "Nancy, be nice to your brother, we're here to make sure he gets better, remember."

Derek looked down. He was an adult and still being scolded by his mother.

"So." Nancy began, he looked up to find his mother had left the room, probably to find some doctors to bully for not calling her. "Tell me about your girlfriend's sister."

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	7. Chapter 7

**I'm actually really surprised by the insane amount of alerts for this. Is it really that interesting?**

**I don't think this one is as good as the others. It seems too rushed to me.**

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Richard Webber walked into the hospital slowly. It looked... normal. If he didn't know better, he would have thought the shooting was a fictional story made up by the media to increase sales. The bodies were gone. The blood had all been cleaned up. The bullet holes had been filled. Even the walls had been painted.

It was as if nothing happened.

It had been three weeks. Three weeks since that day. Three weeks since he had last been in this building.

It was ironic really. He was standing in for the man that had replaced him. Something that he hadn't expected. He was back in charge. Until Derek has recovered anyway.

It wasn't going to be an easy job. All of the staff could come back and be put on light duties, but had to go under a psychological evaluation to be around the patients. Further evaluation was needed to get them cleared for surgery. The board were going out of their way to monitor who was around the patients and when. They were allowing everyone back to observe if they thought they were ready, but they weren't allowed to communicate with the patients until a psychologist okayed it.

His staff was limited. Small groups of nurses. Four attendings had been cleared for surgery. A handful of residents.

He stood in the main lobby, glancing around, trying to figure out how he was meant to pretend nothing had happened.

He turned when he heard voices, forced a faint smile in the direction of Callie and Arizona.

They stopped next to him, just as unsure of what to do as he was.

"It's quiet." Callie had spoken, watching one of the nurses as she made her way towards them.

"Dr. Robbins?" the nurse asked. "There's a kid upstairs with a ruptured appendix. It's urgent. OR two is ready and waiting for you."

"Thanks." Arizona muttered.

Richard and Callie watched as she headed off at a run, both not knowing what to say. The patients were back and needed them. Arizona had accepted that, but how could they care for the patients when they could barely care for their own?

Richard shifted his weight as Mark joined them. "Meredith said Lexie's not ready today, maybe tomorrow."

He nodded. "I wasn't expecting them." he paused. "How are they?"

"Meredith seems fine." Mark frowned. "Lexie's a little on edge but she seems good. Their dad's been calling them a lot."

Richard nodded. "Have you seen Altman? Avery? They're down to be here today."

"Avery was outside." Mark responded. " Haven't seen Teddy."

"It's like it never happened." Callie interrupted, and they both turned to realise she was still surveying the scene in front of her. "Like nothing ever happened."

"The scars will be on the people." Richard decided. "Not the walls. We won't forget." He looked around again before turning back to her. "How's Hunt doing? I assume he's been around Cristina quite a bit."

"He's annoyed that he can't come back today." Callie responded. "He's still experiencing some pain in his shoulder though."

"He needs to recover first." He repeated the words he had spoken to Owen almost exactly. "Do we know when Kepner will be back?"

"Nope." Callie answered. "Cristina did say she was moving in with Meredith though."

"Kepner's moving in with Meredith?"

"I think they may just be acting as a support system for each other." Callie suggested. "April's family don't exactly live near. Meredith's trying to look after everyone."

"We have to go in." Mark put in. "We have to work."

She frowned. "How?"

"We just get on with it." Richard placed a hand on her back. "Mark's right, go and fix people's bones."

Callie nodded, taking a step forward. That was how things had to be done now. A step at a time.

"How's Derek doing?"

"He's doing great." Mark nodded. "His mom and sister are harassing him as we speak."

They went quiet as they saw Teddy rush past, not pausing to talk to them.

"We should follow their lead."

"Yeah."

They didn't move.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry about the delay, my aim was 1 a day, but then I realised I was kinda failing at updating my other stories, so I took a break from this one, updated one of those, and now I'm back.**

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She hadn't been sleeping. She knew it was bad. She waited each night until her sister fell asleep before she crept out the room, spent her time sitting in silence downstairs, making sure she was back where she should be long before her sibling woke up.

Meredith was trying. She was still insisting that her sister sleep in her room with her. It was something Lexie had wanted for a long time: A proper relationship with her sister. She didn't want to ruin it by scaring said sister off with her issues. It was easier than she thought it would be to hide it. It was only the two of them in the house, well, three of them now that April had moved in, but she slept like a log, she wasn't up to witness Lexie's inability to sleep. She wasn't able to tell Meredith.

Lexie knew this was about to change. Alex was being released from hospital. Alex. Alex who didn't sleep through the night. Alex who would be able to tell her sister what was going on. The same Alex who had ended their brief relationship from his hospital bed mere days before. Something she had struggled to care about, but hadn't managed to.

She was scared.

Not of the images in her mind. Not of Gary Clarke. Well, not any more. Not even of letting Mark back in (although right now she wasn't sure she wanted to). She was scared of losing her sister. Of Meredith deciding she wasn't worth the trouble.

That's why her sister could not find out about this.

She glanced up at the clock.

3.30am.

Less than 7 hours.

She had less than 7 hours to come up with a plan. Something to tell Alex when he caught her sitting downstairs in silence every night. Something to stop him telling Meredith.

"Lexie?"

Her head shot up at the voice, and she immediately bit her lip, carefully watching April as she stood in the doorway.

"Hi." She finally got out.

"Are you okay?" April's voice was soft, but Lexie still found herself irritated as the other woman spoke.

She watched as April padded across the room, sitting down next to her. "Can't sleep?"

She stayed silent, hoping that the other woman would give up.

"Me neither." She watched as April leaned back, but still failed to answer. "I see them all the time, you know? Charles and Reed." She paused. "She was my best friend. She didn't deserve to die like that."

Lexie sighed. "No one deserves to die like that."

She noticed April's slight nod. "Meredith said he wanted to shoot you."

Lexie nodded.

April bit her lip. "He would have shot me too, I just... talked. Told him about me so he couldn't." She waited for a while, but soon realised Lexie wasn't going to answer. "Lexie, when did you last sleep? Really sleep?"

"I'm fine." Her voice betrayed her. "I'm good."

"Lexie..."

"When he was pointing that gun at me..." Lexie hesitated, unsure as to whether or not she should be sharing this with someone she barely even liked. "When he was right in front of me, telling me I was going to die, I didn't think about my dad, or my sisters, or my niece, not even about Alex."

"Okay."

Lexie tried to ignore the one word response, not wanting to think about whether or not it irked her. "I thought about Mark, and how I might never see him again." She turned fully to April to take in her reaction. "How sick does that make me?" She paused. "My boyfriend was lying half dead on a table, and all I could think about was how I'd never get to see my ex again." Her eyes widened. "I have no idea why I just told you that. I haven't even told HIM that, you can't tell him, April."

"I won't."

The uttered words reassured her despite the lack of trust between the pair.

"You love him."

Lexie was surprised by how quickly she turned on the other woman. "I do not love him. I used to love him. Past tense. I was confused and scared. Nothing more."

April nodded, clearly trying to avoid the confrontation. It was obvious she didn't believe the claim.

"You can't tell Meredith." It was Aprils turn to look over at her. "She doesn't need to worry about me. I'm fine."

She closed her eyes tightly, regretting her words. April was a doctor. Of course she'd know something was wrong. Lexie knew herself that something was wrong, that she needed help. She was being obvious and expecting April to ignore it.

She tried pulling away when she felt the arm around her shoulders.

"Long shot, I know." April started. "But if you ever want to talk to someone you barely know just because, I'm here."

Lexie nodded. Sighing in relief as she felt April shift, followed by the sound of footsteps ascending the stairs.

She followed hours later, climbing back into her sisters bed, pretending to be asleep while her sister woke.

She waited a few minutes as usual after her sister left the room, gave a faint smile to both Meredith and April when she found them in the kitchen, before pouring herself a bowl of cereal.

She frowned when she looked up again, noticing that April had vacated the room, and her sister was watching her with a look of concern. She'd told her.

"How'd you sleep?"

Lexie sat across from her sister, pondering the question. "Good."

"April said you were up in the night." Meredith's tone worried her. It was clear her sister didn't want to think anything was seriously wrong, but was considering the possibility.

"I was thirsty." Lexie claimed, inwardly smiling when she saw her sister nod.

"You'd tell me if anything was wrong, right?"

Lexie nodded, beginning to eat.

"You coming with me to get Alex?"

She swallowed, looking back up at her sister. "Nope. Work."

"I called them when I got up." Meredith admitted. "We'll go in tomorrow, okay? You, me and April. After Alex is settled back in."

She nodded taking another bite.

"Are you sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." She insisted, perhaps too forcefully. "I promise."

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**The aim with this one was to further explain Lexie's reasons for not liking April. The whole "she's taking my sister away" stuff wouldn't just suddenly be there. I figured there had to be a few more incidents in between.**

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	9. Chapter 9

**I wasn't really sure how to go about this one. I didn't want it to be like the other one, but it's also an important moment to me. Figured it out in the end though. It's short, and i tried to make it longer, but it didn't feel right.**

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Meredith tried to smile. She was trying so hard. Too hard. She knew it was coming off as fake to the patients.

It was getting easier to get up in the morning. Getting easier to sleep at night. Easier to live with the guilt of living when others died.

She'd been cleared to be around the patients. The psychologists had deemed her stable enough for that., but surgery still wasn't an option for her, it wasn't an option for most of them.

She'd been surprised when Callie had announced she was with her today, but had soon found out it had little to do with the patients, and a lot to do with Callie herself wanting an update on Lexie.

Meredith knew her sister had said something to the attending, but she didn't expect to be told what. If Callie thought it was important enough she'd have been told. She didn't want to ask about something that her sister wasn't ready for her to know.

"Isn't this where those people got shot?" The seemingly excited teenager asked. "Like, in this building."

Meredith glanced at her, praying that Callie would come back before she snapped at the fourteen-year-old girl. If the kid was any younger, being in a place where a mass murder had taken place would scare her, but she wasn't, and she wouldn't stop asking questions.

"Were you here?" The girl took Meredith's silence as confirmation that she was. "That is so cool. Was it scary."

"Sarah!"

Meredith almost sighed at the sound listening as the girl's mother continued.

"I'm sorry, she just doesn't know when to stop sometimes." The woman apologised before turning back to her daughter. "You don't talk like that about something so horrible, it's not funny, Sarah, people died."

"I know, mom." Sarah was clearly still enthusiastic, ignoring her mother's warnings. "We're on an actual crime scene." She turned to Meredith. "Did anyone die in this room?"

"Sarah!" Her mother exclaimed again. "You can't ask things like that."

"No." Meredith answered, hoping she'd manage to stifle the girl's curiosity towards this particular topic. "No one died on this floor."

"That sucks." Sarah answered. "Which floors did people die on?"

"What is wrong with you?" Her mother questioned.

"Broken leg." The teen answered, gesturing to her limb. "Remember, result of falling out of a tree this morning?"

"Sarah." Her mother warned again. "Are you scared? Are you asking all of these inappropriate questions because you're scared?"

"No, mom." Sarah smiled. "I'm asking these inappropriate questions because I'm interested. You always tell me to take an interest."

"Yeah." Her mom confirmed. "Take an interest in sports, or drama, maybe even science, like a nomal kid."

"Normal kids aren't interested in science." Sarah decided, glancing up at Meredith. "No offence."

"Grey." She ignored the girl's words and looked out of the door to the room to Callie. "Come and take a look at these x-rays."

Meredith excused herself, leaving the room.

She stood next to Callie, examinining the x-rays. "Definately a break?"

Callie nodded. "Definately a break." She paused, watching as Meredith's eyes didn't leave the x-rays. "You're sure Lexie's okay?"

"No." Meredith admitted. "She says she is. I don't know whether or not to believe her."

"Mark's worried sick." Callie put in. "That's why he requested her today."

"Figured as much." Meredith responded, keeping her eyes on the x-rays to keep up the facade of working. "He keeps calling. Between him, my dad and Derek's mom, my phone doesn't stop ringing."

"Carolyn went home?"

"No." Meredith smiled slightly, she liked having Derek's mother around. "She calls from the hotel every morning to see what time I'm going in to see Derek or if I need anything. Then again at lunchtime to ask if I'm okay, then in the evening to say goodnight. She even sent Nancy round this morning to keep an eye on Alex while we're at work. Either she cares or she's getting really bored in that hotel."

"You should get her to come and see Mark." Callie responded, taking hold of the x-ray again. "Let's go and talk to them."

Meredith followed Callie into the room, catching the end of Sarah's conversation with her mother. "I'm just saying it's really cool. That we're on a crime scene. It's like CSI in reality."

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**Review? I like them.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ever since I found out about Derek ignoring Amelia's calls, I wanted to see it. This was always going to be in here somewhere, but I needed to figure out how I wanted to go about it first.**

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Derek lay back in the bed. He was bored. His mother had gone for a few hours, Meredith was back at work, and he'd been told Nancy was pissing Alex off for a few hours because his wife had been worried about leaving her strong-willed friend alone.

He sighed.

He'd had enough sleep to last a lifetime. They wouldn't let him get out of bed, and frankly, daytime TV sucked. He needed to ask Meredith about getting him some medical journals to read.

He needed a distraction.

A nurse popped her head around the door. "Your sister is on the phone again."

But not that distraction.

"She told me to tell you if you don't call her back she'll call your mother."

"Usually." He commented. "People make the threat before they go through with it."

The nurse smiled. "Would you like me to tell her you'll call her back?"

"You could." He agreed. "Doesn't mean I will but it may keep her happy for a few hours."

The nurse nodded, leaving the room as quickly as she had come in.

He was alone again, and still bored.

He watched as the numbers on the clock changed, as time progessed.

It was a few hours before his mother returned, complete with shop-bought sandwiches, something he was grateful for. The food here was worse than the food at SGMW. That was saying something.

"Amelia called me."

Derek frowned as he looked at his mother. "Good for her."

"She said you won't take her calls."

He stayed silent.

"She's worried, Derek." Carolyn kept trying. "You can't keep shutting her out. She's your sister, she made a mistake. You've made mistakes too."

"Not like that." He finally spoke. "After everything, mom. After everything, she still did what she did. She still almost killed herself, and I can't watch her do it again."

"She's grown up, Derek." Carolyn sighed. "You don't know because you've refused to communicate with her, but Amelia has grown up. She looks up to you. She needs you. She made one mistake. You can't keep using what happened to your father to shut her out."

"This isn't about dad." Derek insisted. "This is about Amy. After everything, mom. After everything she still took those pills, she still voluntarily put herself in harms way. I can't forget that, mom, and it's easier not to think about it when I'm not around her."

"You got shot." Carolyn stated. "You got shot. You've worried her just like she worried you. Now end this freeze out and call your sister."

"If I call her, it makes what she did okay."

"No it doesn't." She answered quickly. "She knows what she did was wrong. This is just as wrong. No matter what she did, she's still your sister, and she still needs you. She'll always need you."

Derek shut his eyes, trying to ignore his mothers words. It was difficult. He'd always thought they had a connection, he and Amy, after what they had gone through together, but while he channeled his anger and guilt into something productive, into his education, his dream of saving lives, she had taken a more destructive path, one that had almost gotten her killed.

Kathleen talked logic to him, that what they'd both witnessed had affected them differently, that the age difference had played an important factor in that, and although he knew his sister was right, he couldn't bring himself to let his younger sister back in. He couldn't trust her not to do it again.

He missed her. He missed her when he called home, when he spoke to his mom, when his nieces and nephews spoke of her. He missed her whenever Mark mentioned their childhood, whenever Meredith mentioned his family, whenever he saw Lexie.

Meredith didn't know how lucky she was to have a sister around. A sister who seemed to love her unconditionally despite barely knowing her. A sister that didn't screw up constantly. One that had never let her down.

Sure, he had three other sisters, but since his father's death it had always been him and Amy against the world. She'd changed that. She'd changed that when she'd risked her life, and he wasn't ready to forgive her yet.

"Just call her." Carolyn requested. "Call her and tell her you're okay, that's all I want. You know what she's like, she'll put on a brave face for everyone, be as stubborn as anything, but inside, she'll be near falling apart. She won't hear that you're okay from anyone but you."

"I can't call her, mom." He managed to get out. "I want to, but I can't. I can't because every time I talk to her, every time I hear her voice, I just want to yell, and she doesn't need me yelling at her about something that happened years ago."

"She needs to know that her brother is okay." Carolyn repeated. "And she needs to hear it from her brother."

"Can't Nancy tell her?" he queried. "she listens to Nancy. Sometimes, anyway."

"Derek." Carolyn sighed. "She always listens to you."

"Used to." He interrupted. "If she always listened to me she'd never have done what she did."

"Derek Shepherd!" Carolyn scolded. "I am not asking you to have some long discussion with her right now. I am asking you to let her know that you're okay. That is not too much. Now call your sister." She held out her phone. "Now, Derek."

"No."

Carolyn dropped her arm to her side, the phone still clutched in her hand. "Fine." She paused, ensuring that he was looking before she said what she knew she had to say. "But you better hope that it's not too late when you finally do decide to communicate with her."

Derek looked down, hearing his mother sit across from him.

He'd call her.

Eventually.

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	11. Chapter 11

**I'm writing this because I ran out of penguins to toss. Facebook games are addicting, even if they are strange. **

**I now have about 8 of these left, but am getting ideas for it all the time, so who knows.**

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"That's bright."

"Really bright."

"Insanely bright."

"Didn't you turn the lights off when you left?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Cristina!"

"Just asking." Cristina defended. "You've been kind of swamped what with the hospitals visits, the in-laws and the crazy sister."

"Lexie is not crazy." Meredith insisted. "And I did turn the lights off."

"She did." April agreed. "We left at the same time, those lights were off."

"Maybe it's the worst burglers in history."

"Cristina!"

Meredith stepped forward, sensing April and Cristina follow her, stepping up to the house and through the door.

"LEXIE!"

"SHUT UP!" The response was from Alex.

There was no answer from her sister, not so much as a sound in the brightly lit house.

She reached out, switching off the hallway light before moving through to the kitchen and turning off that light.

The footsteps were almost immediate, the sound pounding on the floor above.

"Turn the lights back on!" The request was rushed as soon as the young woman reached the bottom of the stairs. "Turn them on."

"Lexie?" April was asking almost instantly. "Why were all the lights on?"

"How did she even know some of them had been turned off." Cristina pondered, keeping her eyes on her former intern, her hair now dyed back to it's natural color. It hadn't been like that earlier.

"Lexie." Meredith stated. "It's okay."

"They have to be on." Lexie insisted. "We're safer in the light than we are in the dark. They have to be on."

"Crazy." Cristina repeated, but silenced herself on seeing the look on Meredith's face. "I should probably get going. One step away from Callie giving me a curfew."

Meredith nodded, her eyes remaining on her sister as she approached her. "I think you need to get an early night. I'll leave the lights on."

April stayed downstairs, making her way into the living room after Cristina left. She sat, debating whether or not she should try and distract herself when Meredith came back down.

"You were right." She frowned at the other woman's words, she hadn't wanted to be right. "Lexie's not coping."

"So, what do we do?" April asked. "Get her admitted to psych or something?"

"No." Meredith refused. "She's already seeing that psychologist like the rest of us. That has to be a last resort. I can't do that to her unless I know something is seriously wrong."

"Meredith..." April started. "What if she needs more than us?"

"She's got more than us." Meredith pointed out. "She's got everyone. She has to be able to talk to one of us."

"I know that I don't know her." April admitted. "I just don't want to see her become even more of a victim." She paused. "I lost two of my best friends that day. They're both being buried next week. I can't do anything to help them, but maybe, maybe I can help her."

"How?"

"She's not the only one who needs a friend." April pointed out. "And the sleeping thing. I'm not convinced the other night was a one off."

If Meredith hadn't have looked up at that moment she'd have missed the watery sheen in her newfound friend's eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I just..." April stuttered. "I miss them so much." She paused. "I know I couldn't have done anything, but, I just... I feel so guilty that they had to die, and I didn't."

"The guy didn't care who he shot." Meredith pointed out. "He didn't care who he hurt. He killed Reed, and he killed Charles, and we're the ones who have to live with that." She hesitated, putting a hand on the other woman's shoulder. "I've told Lexie, I guess you need to hear it too. Survivors guilt is not going to change things. It's not your fault that you lived. It's not your fault that they died."

"I saw her parents today." April let out. " Reed's. At the hospital." She looked up. " They wanted to talk to her best friend." She reached up to wipe her eyes. "I didn't know what to tell them. I knew what I should have said. How great she was, how we'll all miss her, how she cared about everyone. When it came to it, I couldn't say that, because yes, I'll miss her, I'll miss her every day, but she wasn't great or funny or anything like that. She was rude and obnoxious and I loved her for it. She'd been here her whole life. She was all I had when I moved here, and I couldn't even tell her parents she was great and kind, all I could manage was talented. Talented!"

"That's something, atleast." Meredith claimed. "Maybe..." She paused. "Maybe you should write down everything about her that you loved, something for the funeral."

April nodded. "Maybe."

"I know what it's like." Meredith confessed. "To lose a friend." April looked up again. "Just before the merger. His name was George. He joined the army, then got hit by a bus before he even got the chance to go. I never got to tell him how much he meant to me. None of us did."

"I heard something about that." April frowned. "Didn't he die a hero?"

Meredith nodded. "But it doesn't make it any easier." She paused. "He wouldn't want me to be upset about it for too long though, just as I'm sure Reed wouldn't want you crying over her for the rest of your life. We have to move on. Not forget them, just, find a way to carry on living." She finally lowered her hand, watching the tears fall down April's cheeks.

"Will it get easier?"

"I hope so." The answer was simple. "For me, for you, for Lexie, for everyone."

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	12. Chapter 12

**Almost didn't get this done today.**

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They stood in silence, some crying silent tears, the others like rocks, unmoving.

They'd watched Reed's family enter the church some minutes before, but still, all they could do was stand and watch the stationary building.

April was clutching a white coat, her friend's name showing on the folded item, a stephoscope wrapped lightly around it. Her parents hadn't yet been given her personal effects. It was only right to give them something. Right that they should have the things that meant so much to their daughter.

Meredith was standing by her, watching her sister a few paces away, clinging on to Derek's mother, who had insisted on coming in his place. He had been hoping to come himself. The hospital had refused to let him.

"She'll be okay." Meredith looked away from her sister, realising that Richard had caught her watching. "She's a Grey. She's resilient. She'll be fine."

Meredith looked away. "Today's about Reed. I can't think about Lexie today. I can stop myself for one day."

She wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

She turned back to her sister, realised her younger sibling's grip on her mother-in-law seemed to have tightened.

Meredith hadn't expected Lexie to take to Carolyn. She knew she'd met her before, but it wasn't as if she knew her well. Still, in a way it made sense. Carolyn was a mother. Lexie needed her mother but couldn't have her.

"We have to go in." They all looked as Jackson spoke. "We have to go in for her. For everyone who died."

Richard nodded, looking around at the group. Suddenly even more grateful for Callie and Arizona's agreeing to stay at the hospital, enabling him to attend the service. He had asked Sloane if he would stay too, but he had known the response he'd get before he asked. Since Lexie had come back to work Mark had barely let her out of his sight. He'd even been driving her home if Meredith was working late, waiting until she got into the house before leaving.

It was like she hadn't even noticed he was there, despite it being obvious that she had.

He stepped forward. "Come on, people. It's time to go inside."

Cristina reluctantly helped Alex inside, turning at the doors and instructing the others to follow before continuing inside.

Slowly, one by one, they all filed into the church.

April headed past the others when they stopped, moving forward to the polished coffin that held the lifeless body of her friend. The best friend she'd ever known.

She placed a hand on it, feeling the tears already pricking in her eyes. "Thankyou." She sobbed quietly. "For everything you did for me." She ran a hand along the grain. "I, um, brought some of your things, for your mom and dad. I figured you'd want them to have it." she hesitated, taking a necessary breathe. "This isn't right. You shouldn't be dead. You were so much better than me. I don't... I don't even know what to do without you." She paused. "It's like you're not even gone, sometimes. I turn to you for advice and you're not there, but somehow I manage to fool myself, just for a millesecond, that you're probably on your way."

Meredith tried to step forward when she spotted the scene, but was halted when an arm stretched out in front of her.

"Leave her." Jackson kept his voice quiet. "She needs this."

She nodded, taking a seat next to Richard as an unfamiliar woman, she assumed Reed's mother, approached April, pulling the woman into a short hug before taking the items in her hands, the sight of them making her break down in tears.

"This isn't right." He sighed. "She shouldn't be mourning her kid."

"None of those families should be mourning." Meredith answered, glancing over at her sister, who was still holding onto Carolyn, then at Cristina, who was staring at April as if watching nothing. "None of this should have happened."

Jackson nodded. "How's Chief Shepherd?"

"He's fine." Meredith responded. "His sister's with him. She said she'd help him do some memorial thing because he was angry about not being able to come today."

"Will he make the memorial service for Charlie on saturday?"

Meredith frowned, shrugging slightly. "He wants to. The hospital don't know yet. They don't want to take any risks."

"I'd fly out to the funeral if I had the money." Jackson admitted. "Right now I'm struggling to make rent though. He wouldn't want me to be homeless."

Meredith shrugged again, she'd hardly even known the guy, but she too had considered getting on a plane when she found out his parents were having his body flown to his home state for the funeral. Thoughts of Derek, Cristina and Lexie had stopped her, she couldn't just leave them right now.

"Why don't you move in to my place?"

The words were out before she had even thought about it, but she realised she meant it instantaneously. "I mean, I'm there, April, Alex and Lexie are there, soon Derek will be, Cristina's almost always there. We need eachother right now. All of us."

"Are you sure?" Meredith nodded. "Um, I'll have to think about it."

"Take your time."

He watched as she glanced back at Lexie. "She's taken it hard, hasn't she."

"He tried to shoot her." Meredith confessed, suddenly made very aware that Lexie hadn't told many people when she noticed Mark's eyes automatically widen. He'd been listening to them, most likely out of concern for her sister. She ignored him and continued the explanation. "She told me she had gone to go and get some blood or something, and he just appeared in front of her, telling her he came to kill her. Swat shot him before he could get her."

"Bastard." Jackson's curse gained the attention of the group. He lowered his voice. "No wonder she's completely freaked."

"It put things into perspective." Meredith frowned. "People were dead, still dying, and I never even considered once that one of them could be her, not until I found out who he was. I can't be a crappy sister anymore. I have to be extraordinary. Not just to her, to Molly too."

She silenced herself as April returned to the group, sitting the other side of Jackson;

"She's really gone, isn't she?"

They both frowned, only managing to nod confimation.

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	13. Chapter 13

**This one was kind of harder than the others. I've seen it on here before, and wanted mine to be different, I didn't want it to focus too much on the problem itself, more the way it is overcome. The last line is probably one of the most important, even though it's only two words, the self-doubt seems kind of necessary.**

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She frowned as she heard her pager, checking it before taking off at a run. She'd just finished lunch. The only time she had to herself during the day, not that she got to spend it alone. Meredith and Mark were both hovering to an extreme, if one wasn't there, the other was. She didn't understand it. She was sure Meredith didn't know about the sleeping, and if Meredith didn't know Mark couldn't. She hadn't been caught again. She'd had the sense to stay upstairs incase any of the others got up, feigned sleep if her sister woke.

They wouldn't leave her alone, and frankly, it was annoying.

She ran around a corner, an instinctual quicker way to her location, freezing in place when she realised where she was.

Her breathing quickened as she took a step back, unable to tear her gaze away from the hallway in front of her.

"Dr. Grey?" She barely registered the voice. "Dr. Grey, are you okay?"

Lexie didn't answer, just stood, stationary, trying to work up the courage to keep moving.

'A kid' She had to concentrate her thoughts. 'A kid with serious burns needs me.'

It didn't work.

She couldn't move.

Her pager went off again, they were probably wondering where she'd got to. She didn't check it.

"Page the other Dr. Grey." She faintly heard one of the nurses and felt her head automatically snap round, seemingly of it's own accord.

"No." She managed to get out one word. One word. She knew she'd need to use more to avoid the hovering. "I'm okay."

She turned back to the front, taking in the hallway again, the hallway where the gun had been turned on her, where she thought she'd take her last breathe.

She'd have to go down it eventually.

Not today.

She turned around, intent on heading the longer way round, instead coming face to face with Chief Webber.

He approached her, lightly placing his hands on her shoulders and turning her around.

"You're letting him win." He stated. "Don't let him win."

"Meredith told you?"

"She's worried." He smiled softly, pushing her forward slightly. "Go on."

"I'm not ready."

He gave her another light push. "Until Derek is better, I'm the chief of surgery at this hospital and I say you're ready, now go."

She narrowed her eyes. "You're ordering me to walk down a hallway?"

"Yes." He confirmed. "I'm ordering you to walk down a hallway. Nothing is going to happen."

"I haven't had to go down there yet." She admitted. "I didn't think it'd be this hard."

"It's not hard." He informed her. "Just walk down that hallway like you have been nearly every day for the past couple of years. Walk down there and don't let him win."

She nodded, stepping forward on her own this time.

She turned back. "I can't let him win, right?"

Richard nodded. "Right."

She took another step. "I can do this." She paused. "I CAN do this."

She heard the pager again and took off at a run without checking it, she'd gone down the hallway without even noticing that she had, her feet carrying her in the direction of the patient, like she didn't even have to think about it.

She stopped in the patients room, frowning at the look Arizona gave her.

"Nice of you to join us, Dr. Grey."

Lexie smiled softly at the patient, wanting to avoid creating tension in the room. "I got held up."

She listened as Arizona went back to explaining a surgery to the patient and his mother. A surgery that she herself would not be allowed anywhere near.

She glanced up at Mark, whom was standing next to her, knowing that his eyes were on her and had been since she had entered the room.

"I'm fine." she insisted quietly, frowning when he did not turn his gaze away. "Honestly."

She followed Arizona out when she finished with the patient, prepared to be scolded for her lack of speed, not expecting what she actually got.

"You need to be quicker with answering pages, okay." the attending's voice was surprisingly soft, and made her automatically look around, expecting to see Mark standing right behind her, surprising her when she realised he was still in the patients room. "He was worried. The last think that mother needs to see is the man that's going to be in that OR, operating on her child, clearly distracted."

"It won't happen again." Lexie promised. "I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Good." The blonde answered. "You should be thanking me anyway."

She laughed at Lexie's confused look. "I convinced Mark to let you stay on my service today. He wanted you with him but you looked annoyed with all the hovering." She glanced inside the room. "Although I guess he got his wish anyway. Me having a burns case kind of worked out for him."

Lexie nodded. "He and Meredith, they're everywhere. They don't get that I'm fine."

She thought back to the hallway. She'd made it down that hallway. Forget the sleeping. She was fine.

Wasn't she?

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	14. Chapter 14

**I've been re-watching season 6 recently. The DVD's came last week. I've lost count of the amount of times I've watched the finale now.**

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Derek glanced impatiently out of the door, standing up when he didn't see movement, but stopped making his way to the door when his mother appeared.

"There's been an emergency." She informed him. "Sit back, watch some TV. You're a doctor. You know the drill."

"I've been stuck in here for over a month." He complained in frustration. "I've been virtually fine for most of that time, and now they're finally letting me go there's an emergency, great."

"Meredith's not even here yet." Carolyn pointed out, watching as he sat back on the bed. "She's only just left."

"You got a cab here again?"

Carolyn smiled. "No, Mark dropped me off." She paused. "Amelia called me again."

"Mom."

"I'm just saying." Carolyn tried ignoring his warning. "You have to call her at some point."

"Mom." He repeated. "No."

"Amelia or Kathleen." Carolyn told him. "That's your choice. You call Amelia, or I get Kathleen to come out here."

"Kathleen is busy, mom."

"She's never too busy to come and yell at you." Carolyn decided. "She wanted to come out with Nancy and I, you know. I made her settle with holding everything together there, but I can always tell her I changed my mind."

"I'm not calling her."

Carolyn sighed, taking out her cell and dialing Amelia's number. "Hi, sweetie."

Derek rolled his eyes as he faintly heard the voice of his sister. "Seriously?"

"He's fine." Carolyn ignored him. "He's being released." She looked up at him. "Tell your sister you're fine."

He gave into her stern look, increasing the volume of his voice. "I'M FINE, AMY." He lowered his voice as he spoke to his mother again. "Happy now?"

"It's a start." she answered, before returning to the phone. "Yes, of course you should keep calling him. Is Addison looking after you?"

"Mom." Derek interrupted. "She's not four."

He almost smiled at the distinct sound of his little sister's laugh. She'd clearly heard his comment.

He watched his mother shake her head at him and couldn't help but grin as she ended the conversation. "I'll come and visit you before I head back to New York." She hesitated, glancing over at her son. "No, I don't think I'm that good. Give him a little more time, he'll get over it eventually." She looked away. "I could get Nancy to come, next week if you want." She smiled. "I'll see you soon. Stay safe,"

Derek watched as she hung up the phone, took in the annoyed frown that appeared on her face when she turned to him. "I just had to tell your baby sister that you wouldn't visit her, not because you can't, because you won't."

"She caused this." He claimed. "When she apologises..."

"She has apologised. I don't know how many times she has apologised." Carolyn reminded him. "You still call her Amy. I don't know if you realised that but you still call her Amy. She won't let anyone else call her that. Only you." She paused when she didn't gain a reaction. "Fine. If you won't speak to her fine, but stop being so hypocritical." She narrowed her eyes when he looked up in surprise. "Meredith told me how you pushed her and pushed her to be a part of her sister's life. Something about possible self harm or similar. You told her to be a part of her sister's life and now she is. That is a good thing, but what gives you the right to tell her to do that when you won't even speak to your own sister."

"I have three other sisters."

"That's not the point." Carolyn stated. "Not that you ever contact them much, either, we're your family Derek, you need to start making more of an effort."

They turned when someone cleared their throat in the doorway.

"Did I just walk into something?"

"Meredith." Carolyn greeted. "No, it's nothing. Just trying to get this husband of yours to call his sister."

Meredith nodded, deciding against asking which one, not really wanting to prolong the already tense conversation. "You ready to go?"

"There's been some kind of emergency." Derek sighed. "No one's been around to discharge me. Would it be bad if I just walked out?"

"Derek!" Meredith scolded. "You know that would be bad. We can wait."

"Don't you need to get back to Lexie?" He questioned. "You wanted me to try and talk to her, the sooner we get back, the sooner I can do that."

"Lexie's working." Meredith pointed out. "It's only just gone two, and before you try it, Mark has offered to drive her home and stay with her until either we or April are there."

Derek looked over at his mother. "We're smothering Lexie on the off chance she may be suicidal."

"I didn't say she was suicidal." Meredith exclaimed. "I said she was acting strange. I'm not the only one that's noticed it."

Derek sent an amused smirk in her direction before looking over to his mother. "Did the nurse say how long it'd be?"

"Any time this afternoon." Carolyn told him. "Stop complaining."

"Mom, I need to get back to work..."

"You need to recover." Meredith put in. "You know, rest, medication, stuff that makes you better. I get it, but I'm not letting you go back to work."

He sighed, resigned.

Maybe going home wasn't going to be as good as he thought it would be.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Well, it's been a while (okay, like, a week), but I've been writing, working on other stuff, posted a oneshot, watched Greys (a lot), written an essay, to cut a long story short, real life got in the way, except for the watching Greys part, that comes before this. I may be slightly obsessive.**

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"I don't really love him."

Mark glanced over at her briefly, knowing he had to keep his eyes on the road in front of him, especially with her in the car. "Okay."

"He was dying." She stated. "It was my fault and I felt guilty so I told him that I love him, but I don't."

He stayed silent. He didn't know why she was telling him this, and she got irritated when he told her it wasn't her fault.

"Did you mean it?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "Huh?"

"When you said you missed me." She elaborated. "Did you mean it?"

"Yes." The automatic response wasn't really even thought about. "I meant everything I've ever said to you, well, except for the not being able to look at you part."

He knew there was many more things he had said to her that he didn't mean, but something told him that that was the thing that stuck in her head.

"Then..." She paused, and for a moment he thought she was crying, but when he repeated his earlier glance he realised she was still staring forward, trying to figure out how to word her question without offending him. "Then why?"

"Why?" He asked, knowing what she wanted to know, just needing to hear her say it before he explained himself.

"Why did you say it?" She coughed lightly. "If you didn't mean it. Why did you say it?"

"I was angry." He sighed. "Not at you. At myself." He didn't need her blaming herself for something else, he'd be beating himself up long before Meredith got a hold of him. "I was worried about Sloan and angry because I just let you walk out, I didn't even try and stop you, I didn't try to talk to you, I should have, but I didn't, and I wasn't ready to apologise, so when you told me what you did, I guess I decided to use the anger I felt towards myself to say stuff to upset you, stuff that I didn't mean."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." She repeated. "I think I understand now."

"Why did you run?"

"What?"

"That day in the elevator." It was his turn to ask a question. "You were crying, I know that, you just ran, you didn't give me a chance..."

"You didn't want me." She interrupted, he could tell by her tone that he'd angered her. "I was still hurt, and you didn't want me."

"I've always wanted you." He insisted, reaching out to brush her cheek, sighing when she flinched away: she wasn't ready yet. "I've wanted you ever since Derek told me not to." He paused. "It was never that I didn't want you. Don't ever think that."

"What am I meant to think, Mark?" She snapped. He almost smiled at the automatic defence mechanism. "You said you didn't want to look at me! You wouldn't talk to me! What was I meant to think?"

"That I'm an ass." He tried joking, but backed down when he didn't get the reaction he wanted. "I'm sorry I was an ass."

He groaned lightly under his breath when she didn't respond. She was shutting him out again.

"Lexie?"

"Stop the car."

"What!"

"Stop the car!" She was insistent. "I'm getting out. I'll walk."

"No." He refused. "That's crazy, Lex, we're almost there anyway, you can sit in a car with me for another minute. It won't kill you."

"Stop the car!"

"No!"

"Mark..."

"I don't want to argue with you anymore." He admitted. "There is so much else that I do want to do, but I can't, because you're not ready, and I know that. I can wait until you are. I'm not going to argue with you, but letting you get out of this car before I get you home, I'm not going to do it, and not just because I'm scared of Meredith."

"You're scared of Meredith?"

He almost smiled, he'd got her to talk to him again.

"Meredith has all the power." He remarked. "Over Derek." He paused. "Right now she has a lot of power when it comes to you. She's the one person that can stop me seeing you right now, that can talk Derek into hating my ass again."

"She wouldn't do that." Lexie's voice showed certainty, something he couldn't recall hearing in a while. "She likes you for some reason."

He pulled up outside the house, sighing, half relieved half frustrated and the sight of Meredith's car: he didn't have to go in. "See, was that so hard?"

"Are you mocking me?"

"No." He quickly denied, watching her exit the car.

"Thanks, I guess." Her voice was soft. "For the ride."

"LEX!" he called her just before she headed back to the house, making her turn back to him.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you'll get a good nights sleep tonight."

He frowned as he noticed her fingers cross in front of her, she didn't even try to hide it.

"I promise."

His eyes followed her as she made her way up to the house, watched as she unlocked the door, only moving from the house when she was safely inside.

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	16. Chapter 16

**This is shorter than I wanted it to be, but the one I kind of wanted in here. Once again it goes back to the idea that Meredith is the caretaker.**

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Derek chuckled at the scowl Meredith shot at him, holding his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll stay in bed."

"You better." She warned him with her tone. "You know what the doctor said." She scowled again as he repeated the chuckle. "I happen to agree."

He gestured for her to come over, something she did without question, sitting on the bed by him.

"When did my mom leave?"

"About nine thirty." Meredith answered. "She'll be back tomorrow morning you know, before I head in to work."

"I heard." he sighed. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"Someone has to watch you and Alex during the day." She pointed out. "Neither of you can be trusted."

"I can." He claimed. "I'm very trustworthy."

"Derek." Meredith sighed. "You tried to jump me the second we got home, despite being told you had to take it easy. You are not trustworthy. Not right now. You'd go out and run a marathon if no one was watching you."

He frowned. "But my mother! Why not Mark or Bailey or someone?"

"Mark has to work." Meredith reasoned. "And no one's even seen Bailey since she left the hospital that day. Your mother will be here."

He leaned back, deciding things would be easier for him if he changed the subject. "Lexie asleep?"

"Fast asleep." Meredith smiled softly. "Looks like I was worrying about nothing."

He nodded. "That's good." He paused. "Everyone was talking like she wasn't sleeping at all, I'm glad it's not that serious."

"She's just a little on edge." Meredith decided. "We all are. I think she's took it just that little bit harder because she was one of the reasons he was there."

"Want me to talk to her?"

"Do you think it'll help?"

"No harm in trying." He pondered. "She might feel more comfortable talking to me, you know, because he was after me too." He frowned at her face. "Her not talking to you about it, that doesn't say anything about you, you know that, right? All it says is that she's not ready to talk about it, maybe not even to anyone."

"Yeah." She sighed. "It doesn't make it any easier. I haven't exactly ever made it easy for her to talk to me."

"You're trying now." he smiled. "That's what matters. Now, not then."

He watched as Meredith shifted, moving so she was under the covers with him. "Thankyou."

"Voice of reason." he pointed out. "Only thing I can be from this bed."

"I need to sleep." She sighed. "Work tomorrow. Have to be there at like, 9am. Stupid work."

"Meredith." Derek smirked. "You like work, remember?" He chuckled as she turned, shifting down so she was laying as she glared at him. "Why 9?"

"Richard said I didn't have to go in until your mom was here to babysit." She closed her eyes. "She should be here by 8."

"I guess I should be grateful." He decided. "Atleast Nancy's gone home."

Meredith opened one eye. "Nancy went to LA. Not home."

"LA?" He asked. "I thought she had to be home."

"Your mom said she was in LA with one of your other sisters." Meredith yawned. "Will be for a few days."

"Nancy and Amy together." he frowned. "That can't be good." He paused. "I might need protecting if they both come up here."

"Nancy's going straight from LA to New York." Meredith mumbled. "Go to sleep."

"You sleep." He ran a hand through her hair, before grabbing one of the medical journals from beside him. "I'm not tired enough for sleep right now." He chuckled at the look she shot him. "I'll just sit and read, no getting out of bed, I promise."

She nodded, closing her eyes again.

He watched as she gave in to her fatigue, entering a deep state of sleep.

He began to read under the dim light, knowing that it was likely that he too would be tired soon.

It wasn't long before he heard the footsteps heading past the room, heard another door open just outside, the hushed voice whispering words that were only too clear to him.

"Lexie, you have to sleep."

"I am sleeping, April. Just, not now. I know what I'm doing."

He listened to the footsteps on the stairs, heard the door of the other bedroom close, and knew that something more was going on than Meredith knew, and he needed to know what April knew.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry it took me so long, I'm back at college now.**

**This one is split into two parts, I tried to avoid it, but in the end I couldn't. It's probably the shortest too, which sucks.**

**I've got a few more ideas for this, so I don't know how long left anymore.**

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"Hunt?" Richard frowned at the sight in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm back." The other man responded. "I'm back, and I'm staying"

"You can't just show up here." Richard decided. "You need to be cleared, and I need confirmation that your shoulder is okay. How's the pain?"

"It's fine." He flinched slightly as he flexed his arm. "I'm good."

"I don't want you to be fine." Richard demanded. "I need you to be more than fine. I need you doing better than your best to give this hospital a chance of getting back it's reputation."

"I can work!" Owen insisted. "What I can't do is sit around in that apartment doing nothing."

"Fine." Richard agreed. He looked around. "TORRES."

Callie turned, holding up a finger before turning back to her patient and excusing herself.

"You called?"

Richard smiled at her slightly. "Keep an eye on Doctor Hunt here. If there is so much as a hint that he is in pain, page me."

Callie glanced over at Owen. "Got it."

Richard nodded to them both and turned, heading down the hallway.

Owen almost immediately turned to Callie. "How's Cristina?"

Callie frowned. "Fine." She paused. "Well, as fine as she can be. She's got work to distract her now, so she's doing better."

"I'll drop by and see her later." He commented. "After I finish up work."

Callie nodded. "I wasn't expecting you to be back for another few weeks."

"Plans change." He stated, glancing around the ER. "Anything interesting?"

"Car crash victim, trauma 2." Callie informed him. "Last time I looked in they were waiting for test results."

He nodded and headed away, not giving her the chance to say anything else.

She sighed and turned on her heel, heading back to her patient.

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"How's he doing?"

Callie turned to the source of the voice, not hiding her frown when she faced Cristina.

"He's in pain." Callie elaborated. "More than he's letting on. Why did he think he was okay to come back?"

"He hated watching me leave to come every morning and not being able to come himself." Cristina sighed. "I was against this, by the way."

"Of course you were." Callie agreed. "you're a doctor, you know the dangers of what he could do to his arm if he strains it before it fully recovers."

"So does he."

"Yes." Callie agreed. "So does he." She paused. "Which is why I don't understand why he was stupid enough to come back while he's still in pain."

"Boredom does crazy things."

"Dangerous things."

Cristina watched as her now fiance approached, having seen her.

"Hey." He greeted. "I didn't expect to see you down here today."

"I came to make sure you've taken your meds."

"On schedule." He assured her. "As usual. Not that I need them."

"Oh, you need them." Callie insisted. "You've been in pain all morning."

"I can handle a little bit of pain." Owen claimed. "I can handle it."

"Just don't let it worry the patients." Callie reminded him. "They're worried enough, being in this place."

Owen nodded, turning to Cristina. "I have an appointment with that counselor guy later today, do we like him?"

"No." Cristina stated. "He won't clear me for surgery, so we don't like him."

"Right." Owen nodded, he heard the scream of his patient. "I have to go."

The two women watched him as he walked off, turning to eachother when he'd gone.

"He is in so much pain." Callie observed.

"Yep."

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	18. Chapter 18

**May not get another one up until next weekend. I'll try, but can't promise anything.**

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She'd had a breakdown.

She'd had a breakdown right in front of him and he should have seen it coming.

He hadn't.

He knew what had happened to her. He'd heard Meredith at the funeral. He hated himself for letting her go that day, he should have gone himself, he knew that, but she had insisted, and he couldn't change that now.

This he could have changed.

He knew she hadn't been sleeping. He'd guessed. It wasn't just the dark circles under her eyes that gave it away, it was everything about her. She was slower than usual, she was constantly rubbing her eyes, always yawning.

He should have known she'd have a breakdown.

He should have done something.

How?

She had been closing up on him every time he showed any concern for her.

He didn't want her to close up on him again.

He didn't have a choice now.

He kept her safely tucked under his arm, leading her through the corridors. He didn't know if she knew where he was taking her, but he knew it was necessary.

He closed his eyes as the door came in sight, wishing he didn't have to do this.

The sound of her breathing wasn't doing much to calm him. The feel of the slight pressure her head put on his chest made it harder for him to breathe himself.

He took a step forward, feeling the hesitation in her step.

"No."

The word made him glance down at her. "It's okay."

"No." She repeated. "I'm not crazy. No."

"No one is saying that you're crazy." He tried reassuring her. "No one thinks that." He let her go, moving in front of her and grasping both of her hands. "Come on."

She shook her head, looking up at him as if to plead him no to do this. He frowned as the tears falling down her cheeks almost broke his heart. He had to.

He slowly began to walk backwards, keeping both of her hands in his, slowly leading her towards the door.

He wrapped his arms around her again as soon as they made it to the other side. This was the part where she was more likely to try and run off.

"Can I help you?"

He frowned at the nurse that was watching him carefully.

"I um..." His voice cracked. "I... I need to have her committed."

"No." She automatically complained just as the nurse nodded, heading over to the nearest doctor. "I'm okay, I'm not crazy, I need to go back to work." She struggled to break free. He held on tight. "I'm okay, really. I'll sleep tonight. I promise I will. Please let me go back to work."

"Lexie." He sighed. She wasn't making it easy. If she carried on. He'd change his mind. "You need to sleep, and you're not."

"I will." She begged. "Please. Let me go back to work."

He frowned, releasing her only when the nurse returned with the nearest doctor.

"Go with him." Mark tried convincing her. "I won't go anywhere. I'll stay here. You'll feel better."

He pushed her away slightly, making sure that the nurse had a firm grip on her shoulders before he let go, preventing her from bolting at the first opportunity. He gave the doctor all of the information he knew, realising that he knew more about her that he thought he did.

He leaned his head back in frustration as they led her away, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to relieve some tension before he got out his pager.

She was there in less than ten minutes, questioning him with her gaze as soon as she saw him.

"Why are we here?"

"Meredith." He began. "Meredith, she's not doing so well."

He watched as her eyebrows furrowed. "Mark. What did you do?"

"I had to." He flinched under her glare. "She had a breakdown, she needs to sleep and she won't. I had to."

"Lexie?" Meredith asked. He nodded. "Where is she?" He stayed silent. "Mark, where is my sister?"

"They took her." He explained. "They need to talk to her before they do anything."

Meredith leaned against the wall next to him. "You should have paged me before you did this."

"She had a breakdown." He defended. "I had to. She needs this."

She didn't answer, they stood in silence until the door to the consulting room opened.

The doctor approached them quickly, knowing that they were watching the nurse lead Lexie in another direction.

He held out his hand. "Dr. Shultz." He paused, giving them an opening to speak but not expecting to. "What are your relationships with her?"

"Um.." He started.

"She's my sister." Meredith interrupted. "Where are you taking her?"

"She needs another consult." Dr. Shultz explained. "For confirmation purposes. It's looking very likely that we'll have to put your sister into a drug-induced sleep. Do you know how long the sleep deprivation has been going on for?"

"She promised me she was sleeping." Meredith frowned. "I even had her in my room. How could she hide this?"

"People will only show you what they want you to know." The doctor answered. "Especially where their mental health is involved. Sometimes they feel they're not worth the trouble, or they just don't want to worry their loved ones. It's good you've brought us to her now rather than later. This won't go away on it's own."

"6 weeks." Meredith scolded herself. "It's been 6 weeks. Is it really possible that she hasn't slept in 6 weeks?"

"It's possible." He concluded. "Of course, she would have fallen asleep due to exhaustion occassionally, but that wouldn't have lasted long."

"Can I see her?"

Mark stayed quiet. He didn't think Meredith would me letting him see her any time soon.

"As soon as she's brought back here." the doctor confirmed. "You can speak to her briefly before we get her to sleep. It should be about half an hour."

Meredith nodded, leaning back against the wall.

All they could do now, was wait.

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	19. Chapter 19

**This isn't the most interesting chapter and the characters aren't exactly fan favorites, but I felt it had to be included in some form.**

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"So," April smiled faintly as she spoke to her friend. "Meredith tells me you're moving in."

"Yeah." Jackson confirmed. "She didn't exactly make it easy to say no."

"It's good that we're all together." April continued to be positive. "This is a good thing."

"Is this about us all being together," He pondered. "Or you needing an ally on that house?"

His smile gave away the joke.

"Both." The admittal came anyway. "I like living there, honestly I do, but Dr. Sheperd and Karev complain. They complain a lot about everything and Lexie's really hostile. I don't think she likes me much."

"You don't have to worry about her for a while." He stated, looking up at her to see the confusion in her expression. "You haven't heard?"

"Heard what?"

"I thought word travelled fast in this place." He commented. "Lexie's been admitted to psych, looks like she's going to be there a while. Rumor is she hasn't slept in a while."

"I knew she wasn't sleeping!" April exclaimed, turning properly to face him. "I knew it! She told me she was but I knew she wasn't."

"Wait a minute." Jackson put in. "You knew something was up and you didn't say anything?"

"I told Meredith." April told him. "Either Lexie fooled her into thinking she was fine, or she didn't want to see that something was wrong. I did tell her, even though Lexie asked me not to, I told her."

"Should get sorted now." He decided. He watched his friend carefully. "How are you doing?"

April sighed. "I keep expecting to see them walk around the corner as if nothing happened."

"I get that." He agreed. "I can't stop thinking about them."

"She'd yell at me for not getting on with my life." April laughed. "If she was here."

Jackson nodded. "They'd be pissed that we keep thinking about them."

April sighed. "Reed would have known how to help Lexie."

"April." Jackson started. "You knew too. She wouldn't let you."

"I just feel so helpless." The tears started to build up in her eyes, but she wasn't going to let them fall this time. "She's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't even do my job right without her."

"You can." He stated, "You can do your job. We can both do our jobs. We have to. For them."

April wiped a stray tear off of her cheek. "Libby's coming next week. My sister. She sorted out the hotel and everything without even telling me." He nodded, unsure how to respond. "They were worried and she got some time off from work." she paused. "I can't let her go home still worried. I need her to think that I'm okay because if I don't she won't leave until she really has to, and she'll come back. If she's still worried she'll come back and I really can't deal with them right now."

"She's your family." He frowned. "She's worried, and she needs to know if you're not fine. She also needs to know that you have support here, and that we'll make sure you're okay."

"You haven't met Libby." April reminded him. "Libby's overbearing, she's bossy and out of control and she'll drive me insane."

He smirked. "She can't be that bad."

April frowned. "She's worse."

"Families." He sighed. "I try to avoid mine too."

April managed a faint smile. "Have they called you since, well, everything?"

He nodded. "I keep the conversations short. My grandfather isn't exactly the easiest person to talk to, he tried using it as another reason to get me to transfer. Apparently things like that don't happen at Mass Gen."

"Maybe he's just worried?"

"He's not worried." Jackson dismissed. "He just wants to control me." He paused. "The people that actually care about me, that actually worry, they're all here."

"Reed worried about me." April brought up her late friend again. "I was too hard on her."

"Hard on her?"

"After I got fired." April frowned, leaning on the nurses station to steady herself, squeezing shut her eyes in an attempt to try and stop the tears from falling. "She tried to call me. Every day, but I didn't answer, and then, when I came back, when Dr. Shepherd gave me my job back, I wouldn't talk about what happened. She tried but, I wouldn't let her, I think, I think a part of me blamed her, because she told them." She hesitated, opening her eyes to face him. "She had to. I get that, but, I was mad, and I shut her out, it wasn't even her I was mad at, it was myself. We were getting back to normal though, when it happened."

Jackson sighed, she was the closest friend he had left, and he hadn't really been there for her to talk to about Reed. "You never get the time to say everything you need to say."

April flinched against the truth. "I just wish I hadn't wasted that time, you know?"

He nodded. "She knew you weren't mad at her."

"I know." She admitted. "It's just hard, knowing that my best friend is dead, knowing that she's dead and I have to carry on doing the one thing she loved to do. It's not right."

"It's not your fault."

"I know." She nodded slowly, glancing up at him. "It's not your fault either."

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	20. Chapter 20

**Okay, it's been a few weeks, all I have is that I wasn't in the mood to write, or do anything really, I've been sick, which is never a good thing just before the holidays, then there was the holidays, in which my sister made me sit and play air hockey with her for hours, it was fun, for the first hour or two, then it got boring.**

**Last update from me of the year - quite glad I managed to get it up before the new year.**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

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Meredith sighed, placing a hand on her sleeping sister's forehead and brushing her hair back.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

It wasn't the first time she'd asked the question, and she knew she wouldn't be getting an answer anytime soon, but she asked all the same.

She thought she'd be tired after sitting by her younger sister's bedside for twelve hours straight, but it seemed all of those long surgeries had helped. She was still wide awake, and still helpless.

"You promised me you'd look after her."

She looked up at the voice, frowning at the sight of her father standing in the doorway.

"You told me you'd look after her, that she'd be okay, and I got a call saying she was here. Why is she here?"

He wasn't blaming her. She knew that. He was scared.

"She hid it from everyone." Meredith murmured, her eyes moving back to her sister. "She wasn't sleeping. She told me she was, but she wasn't." She flinched before saying the next words. "I had to consent to this, they said she can't."

Thatcher moved forward, placing a hand on his older daughter's shoulder. "You should go home, get some rest. I'll stay."

"I'm good here." Meredith insisted. "She won't wake up, not until they let her, but, I need to be here. She needs me."

"Won't Derek be worried?"

"Mark said he'd tell him." Meredith replied, moving the hand that had been resting by her sister's head down to her hand. "How did I not notice?"

"I've been checking up on you every week, I didn't notice."

"I was THERE, dad." She pointed out, unaware of what she had called him. "I was there and I didn't see. She needed me and she didn't feel like she could talk to me."

"I broke her." He spoke, stepping back, the admittal making her look up at him again. "When I was drinking. I knew it was hurting her but I carried on. As long as she didn't tell me what it was doing to her, I didn't have to deal with it. I didn't want to see it." He paused. "It's my fault she tries to be stronger than she has to be, I didn't let her talk to me when I was drinking, I broke her, just like I broke you."

"You didn't break me." Meredith muttered. "It would be so easy to blame you, but, you didn't break me, not on your own at least. My mother had a part in it too, and me myself. It wasn't all you. You didn't break me." She looked back to her sister. "And you didn't break her either."

"She still seeing that Karev guy?"

Meredith shook her head. "Not for a few weeks now." She paused. "He came by earlier. I had him thrown out."

"Why?"

"He knew." She whispered, running her hand through her sister's hair again. "He knew that she wasn't sleeping. He didn't say anything because he thought she was doing it to get his attention." She felt her father sit down next to her. "He thought it was about him." She hesitated. "I got angry, and I had him thrown out." She glanced over at him. "When I met her, I didn't know that I'd ever care this much."

He gave a faint smile. "Pushy, isn't she?"

Meredith let out a laugh as she nodded. "Yeah."

She yawned, turning back to her sister.

"You should get some sleep."

"I'm fine." She insisted. "I'm staying."

He nodded. "I'm getting you some coffee though."

She smiled gratefully, watching as he backed out of the room before returning her full attention to her sister.

She didn't remember falling asleep, but the faint voice that she awoke to, her head resting on the bed by her sister, was clearly trying to keep the noise level to a minimum.

"... always hated how much you get to me." She opened an eye briefly, closing it quickly before the man noticed. "Try not doing it again?" She almost laughed at the request, but managed to stay silent. "You're gonna be the death of me, you know that?"

"Dr. Sloane?" He paused at the sound of the voice, and she sensed movement as he stood up.

"I'll be right there."

He shifted again, unknowingly signalling to her that whoever had come for him had gone.

She opened an eye again, careful not to draw attention, watching as he took her sister's hand. "I'll be back at lunch." He paused, leaning down to kiss the sleeping woman's forehead. "I love you."

She waited until she was sure he had gone before sitting up, noticing the note laying on the bedside table before turning towards the door, staring out to the empty hall.

She knew she'd just overheard something that she probably shouldn't have been listening to.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Honestly, I don't like this one as much as most of the others (which is why it's short). A part of me still wants to scrap it, but it's something that's always had me curious.**

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Meredith walked fast through psych, anxious to get to her sister's room before anyone stopped to talk to her, she'd been there for 25 hours before Derek had sent his mother to get her. Saying no to Thatcher was one thing, but you didn't say no to Carolyn Shepherd.

She'd been reluctant, but gave in and let her mother-in-law drive her home, promising to bring her back when she'd rested. She had no intention of working anytime soon, and she knew that Richard understood that.

She stopped dead at the entrance to the room, carefully watching the vaguely familiar woman sat by her sister's bed. The woman wasn't speaking, just sitting, grasping Lexie's hand in her own.

Meredith stepped forward, making her way over to the other side of the bed and placing a hand on Lexie's forehead, checking her temperature.

"How's she doing?"

She looked up at the voice, biting her lip as she realised that the woman had acknowledged her, a part of her had been hoping she wouldn't. She was used to Lexie. Molly Grey-Thompson was a whole different subject.

"I'm not her doctor." Meredith admitted, sitting at the other side of the bed. "I'm..."

"Meredith." Molly finished. "I know. She talks about you a lot, sends pictures, the usual. We've met, you know."

"I didn't think you'd remember." Meredith turned back to Lexie. "She talks about you too."

"I did." Molly elaborated. "Not just because you were there when I had my daughter. I didn't know who you were at the time. Of course, I knew you existed, but not that you were you, Mom told me that later, I don't usually just spill about my life." She paused. "Or Lexie's life, but, you know, I was in pain, and you were there so I rambled."

"I think that's something we get from dad." Meredith smiled slightly. "I ramble too sometimes."

Molly nodded. "That makes three of us." She looked over at Lexie. "She loves you, you know?"

"She told me." Meredith confirmed. "Okay, she was kind of telling me off when she told me, but she did."

"This may sound a little harsh." Molly started, turning back to Meredith. "But when we were told about you, it didn't really bother me that much. I already had an older sister. I think Lexie liked knowing she wasn't the oldest." She paused. "I know I should have told her where you were when Laura was born."

"I always assumed you had." Meredith replied. "When she turned up here."

"Mom told her." Molly frowned. "Before she died. I think that just made Lexie more determined to be a part of your life. She said it reminded her of how precious family is. I thought she was crazy, that you wouldn't want to know us."

"I didn't." Meredith confessed. "If it wasn't for her, I still wouldn't. She didn't tell you how I treated her?"

"No." Molly sighed. "She didn't mention you for months, just some guy called George that she was moving in with. At first I thought you'd moved or something. Next thing I know she's telling me she's moved in with you."

Meredith nodded. "How long are you here for?"

"Got here this morning. Leave tomorrow morning. I left Laura with her dad and don't want to be away for too long." Molly explained. "I came here for my own peace of mind really, dad hadn't told me about this."

"They're going to..."

Meredith cut off as a figure appeared in the door, smiling softly at their father as he stepped into the room.

"They said you were here all night." Thatcher commented, moving to stand by Molly. Meredith nodded. "Make sure you rest. I don't want you both like this."

"I don't want them to have to call me if anything changes." She answered, watching the hand he'd placed on Molly's shoulder. "I wasn't there before. I need to be now."

Thatcher nodded. "How's Derek?"

She frowned. "He's been cleared to come back to work next week. I'm not sure I want him to."

"He's happy about it?"

"Yep." She turned back to Lexie.

She knew things would be awkward between herself and Thatcher for a while. Most likely for longer with Molly, what with her living so far away, but after what had happened, her priorities had changed.

For now anyway.

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	22. Chapter 22

**Okay, so it's been a while. College has been kind of overwhelming though, but it's starting to calm down and will hopefully stay that way for the rest of the year. I have about 2-3 more after this one.**

**It's another short one and may seem a little down compared to some of the others, but lets face it, Mark and Meredith HAD to clash over this at some point, I feel that it's necessary to show at least some form of clash between them when it comes to Lexie, and not one mostly played out through Derek.**

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Mark tossed the apple in the air, catching it as it fell, the action being a temporary distraction until he reached the private room that Lexie currently occupied. It had been his intended destination for all of his lunch breaks since she'd been admitted, and he didn't intend to stop showing up there until she herself was no longer there.

He stopped at the entrance to the room, not wanting to interrupt the conversation that Meredith was having with the doctor on her sister's case, but wanting to hear it all the same. It was clear to him that he'd already missed most of it, but he couldn't help but try and interpret what little he was hearing in comparison with the small smile on Meredith's face.

"What's going on?" He questioned as the doctor left the room, Meredith would be the only one he'd gain an answer from, as a doctor himself he knew that. "Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine."

"Then what was that about?"

"They want to wake her up." Meredith replied, her eyes not leaving her sister. "They think it's time."

"Is she ready?" His mind automatically went into overdrive. If she wasn't ready, waking her up too soon could never benefit her, and once she was awake, the days he could spend his lunch breaks talking to her would most likely end. He wasn't sure which reason bothered him more. "She's not ready."

"They said she's ready." She paused. "She'll have to go back to the trauma counselor of course, but she's ready." Meredith automatically turned on him, her eyes narrowed. "It doesn't matter anyway, I've already consented to it."

"No." He denied. "If she's not ready you can do more harm than good. They shouldn't be waking her up unless they're sure. How could you agree to this? Why didn't you wait until I was here?"

"I don't need you to be here." Meredith argued. "You don't get a say here. You're her ex. I'm her sister. I'm the one that has to make the decisions.

"You haven't been much of a sister to her."

He fell silent, almost wishing he could take back the words despite knowing that, for the most part, it was true.

She was staring at him with an expression of shock, clearly not having expected the words – she'd underestimated his love for her sister.

"Meredith..."

"Get Out." She interrupted, punctuating the words with all the venom she could muster.

"Meredith..." He tried again.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" She snapped, stepping between him and her sister. "You have no idea what it's like to be me. You have no right to judge me based on that first year I spent getting used to her. Do you know it's like to have to accept a sister you had no idea existed? You're criticising me because it took a while. Sensitive Mark, real sensitive. This is exactly why you can't be around her. You're thinking about your feelings and not hers. Do you ever think about her?"

"She's all I ever think about." He admitted, his gaze fixed over Meredith's shoulder at the figure on the bed. "We both have the same aim here." He hesitated. "We both want her to get better." He tried to step forward towards the bed, but backed off when Meredith sidestepped to block him from getting past her. "Other than Derek, she's our common ground. She needs us to get on right now."

"Needs us to get on?" Meredith was still angry, his prior words stuck in her head. "She's barely even speaking to you. She doesn't need US to do anything. She needs ME to be there for her when she wakes up."

Mark sighed, trying to stay calm, but unable to keep back the words that came tumbling from his lips. "You've been doing so great with her that she wouldn't even talk to you about it. She wouldn't tell you about it, and even when you did suspect it you didn't do anything." He let out a breathe. "I KNOW Lexie. Her eyes light up when she laughs, and she always tries to see the best in everybody, even when there isn't much good to see. She's probably been reliving that day in her mind ever since it happened because of her memory." He paused again. "Sometimes when she doesn't want to talk about something, you have to make her because she lets it eat her up inside." Another pause. "But you don't know any of this. Lets face it, you barely know her at all."

"Get out." Meredith repeated, a little softer this time, although the fury in her eyes remained evident. "Leave."

"No." He refused. "I'm not going to leave. I'm going to sit here with Lexie. And I'm going to stroke her hair, because thats what she likes when she's hurt or sick."

Meredith sighed and reluctantly stepped back, trying to ignore the mix of feelings running through her. He was right. She didn't know her sister at all.

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	23. Chapter 23

**I know it's been a while, but I have reasons. For one, I stopped watching the show. My love for it remains, I just realised that if I wanted it to stay that way, I couldn't watch it anymore. I didn't like how much it was disappointing me. I haven't actually seen anything past 7.19, just been told what happens by a friend – gotta say, from what she told me, I'm glad I didn't watch it.**

**I took some time off from the fandom, then after I finished college a few weeks ago, I decided to slowly get back into the world of Grey's. I started by watching "It's the End of the World" and "As We Know It", episodes that I already knew I loved, and I've been non stop since, concentrating on the arcs (Season 3 Ferry Crash, Season 4 Ambulance Crash, Season 5 PDR), watching a few of my favourite episodes in between (Shiny, Happy People , No Good at Saying Sorry, Sympathy for the Devil, Great Expectations, Tainted Obligation), and making art.**

**The art. If anything it was the art that pulled me back more than the episodes themselves, because I had so much fun making it. I've been making art for a while, but usually for another show I watch. It wasn't until I started watching Grey's again that I decided to go for it. For those interested, and I've been taking quotes and making art ever since, it's on my tumblr: **13leighhh92 **, the link is on my profile, and it has it's own page "Grey's Anatomy Fanart"**

**I could have updated during my Grey's hiatus, I just don't feel that it would have been good enough, and I didn't want to put something out there when I just wasn't into it myself.**

**Okay, enough of my anti-Grey's rant, especially considering I have now seen the light and am now just anti-lasthalfofseason7. Whether or not I am to be anti-season8 has yet to be decided, but my requests include bringing Mandy Moore back from the dead and all of the characters being more like Bailey, who did not annoy me at all this past season, because she is awesome.**

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Miranda Bailey turned away from her son as the tears began to fall once again. It had been months, and she was still struggling to cope with the event that had taken over her life in the most devastating of ways. Charles Percy was dead. She'd failed, and she couldn't go back and change that no matter how much she wanted to.

She'd tried to avoid reports of the shooting, ignored calls from her friends and colleagues back in Seattle. She didn't want to know about the life lost. Yet at the same time, she should have known it couldn't be avoided. The constant questions from her family had given her names of the dead. Names she hadn't known before. Security guards she had known. Nurses she'd seen in her OR just weeks before their deaths. She had to admit, she'd been waiting to hear the names, the names of the surgeons she raised, and not hearing any of them on any fatality list was one of the few things she'd been clinging to since she left. She'd lost George. Izzie was long gone, but Meredith, Cristina and Alex were all fine. Well, as fine as they could be after something like that.

She didn't want to remember it. She wanted her son, her cherished son, to have his mother doting on him, to know that he was her world, he was her earth, her moon, her stars, her everything. She didn't want him to know of the horrors that went down that day, yet she knew, when he was older, there'd be little she could do to stop him from finding out. She could protect him now. She could protect him by hiding her tears, by cutting off those in Seattle, at least temporarily. That had to be enough.

"Miranda." She looked over at her father, her face still hidden from Tuck's view. "You have to go back sometime."

"I'm not sure I can."

It was the truth. The idea of going back, of having to face up to her failure, scared her. The idea of having to revisit the place where Charles Percy and so many others lost their lives at the hand of one grieving, out of control, individual sickened her.

How could she have been so inexperienced? She, Miranda Bailey, the one even the other attendings were scared of, the one that always knew what to do, the one who had gained so much respect over the years due to her talent, had been unprepared in an emergency, and as a result, a man had died. How could she go back and face them after she'd failed to save their friend?

"Miranda." She knew the tone of her father's voice, it was one she'd heard so much growing up. "What's this teaching him?" She watched as he gestured to her son. "When things get tough, we run?"

"I'm not running."

"You already ran." He pointed out. "Now it's time to run back. To fight. To stop this man winning. To save people's lives, like you always have."

"If they needed me, they'd call."

"Miranda." The loud sigh told her he knew the truth. "They've called. We've all noticed. You have to start answering."

"So I just go back?" She queried, a slight hint of venom in her own tone. "Act like nothing happened, like Charles Percy and Reed Adamson and all of those other colleagues of mine that died that day are still there?" She hesitated, turning to the window. "I can't do that."

"Move on, Miranda." Her father urged. "Remember, but move on. Go home, take your son back to his daycare, go back to work, get on with your life. Just don't sit around doing nothing."

She wiped the tears, pondering his words as he left the room. She knew she had to go back, but knowing what she had to do didn't make it any easier. If anything, knowing that she wouldn't be judged for failing to save Charles made it harder to return. Gary Clarke was dead. As the person that couldn't save him, she was the next in line when it came to responsibility. If she'd have been better, he'd still be alive, and it was that, that she was struggling to move on from.

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**Short, I know, but the idea was that it's deeper than the others, not longer. Yes, it is the only one that Bailey has appeared in.**

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